Ten Top Ways To Convince Your Mate That "Just One More" Herp Is A Good Idea
Leigh Kleiman, Western New York Herpetological Society, January 1997, 3(1):4
Okay, we all know that no one ever keeps their New Year's resolutions, so, for this year, how about a list you can really use? Many of us are faced with the plight of being avid herp enthusiasts living in a habitat with someone who is somewhat less than enthusiastic. To be less polite, has your mate told you that he or she will shave their heads, change their names, and flee the country if they see one more herp enclosure squeeze its way into your home? Well, if you feel like you can never have enough of the scaly babies and could use some persuasive tactics on your side, then this is the New Year's list for you!
Top Ten Ways to Convince Your Mate that "Just one more" Herp is a Good Idea (or at least that it won't absolutely destroy their lives):
10. Tell them you want to have a baby. Once the shock dies down, say "Well, I guess I could settle for a corn snake."
9. Point to all the extra veggies in the fridge at the end of the week and say "You know, one more iguana would sure take care of those leftovers."
8. Tell your mate that, for health reasons, you've decided to become a vegetarian. Then point out how much more room there is in the freezer for mice now that the steaks and chicken breasts are gone.
7. A diamond may be forever, but a Sulcata Tortoise is cheaper (and lasts almost as long).
6. Start breeding your own insects. (Your mate will have to appreciate your thriftiness!) Have a few conveniently escape and tell your mate, "Gee, population control would be a snap if we only had a few more lizards."
5. Get rid of the bed in the guest bedroom. Chances are no one is willing to sleep there anyway and it leaves room for many enclosure possibilities.
4. Point out how empty the top of that low bookshelf looks and how, from a decorator's view, a chameleon enclosure with live plants would spice it up much more than plants alone.
3. A man's (or woman's) home is his (or her) castle. And what castle would be complete without an alligator moat?
2. If you have children: Tell your mate how educational it is to have many different reptiles around. If you are planning to have children: Tell your mate that your future children will reap fullest educational benefits from many reptiles if they are tame enough to handle - a process which we all know can take years, so we better start now. If you never want to have children: Remind your mate that reptiles still have an educational value and you are never too old to learn.
1. Beg. (Shameless, I know, but trust me, I've tried everything on this list and that's the only one that has ever worked).
Happy New Year to everyone and good luck on expanding your collections in '97!
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