Melissa Kaplan's
Herp Care Collection
Last updated January 1, 2014

Lifeskills for Iguana Keepers

Compiled by Melissa Kaplan

Created first by Karla after being trained by her three foster igs, Georgia, Ruby and Lucky:

How to carry a big pan full of sloshing water and iguana poop out to dump it in the yard without spilling it on the floor or yourself.

How to convince your doctor at your yearly physical when he asks about the scratches all over your wrists and arms that you are NOT one of those people that cut themselves and do NOT need to see a therapist (then wondering if he is making speculations about the kind of sexual antics going on in your home!

How to ignore the shapely teenage cashier at the supermarket's smirky little smile as she checks through the seven bags of greens and fresh veggies and then the extra large size bag of double fudge Oreos and New York style cheesecake.

How to convince your husband that the five foot ten pound iguana is not going to eat any of the kids, the dog or his mother (Really honey...they eat LEAVES in the wild!!)

How to instruct the vet on what to say to your husband if he answers the phone when she calls to discuss your iguana's 300.00 ear surgery with you. ("Oh sorry, wrong number" is always good here)

How to convince yourself that you made the right choice as a pet when your $14.99 iguana's equipment and enclosure costs are approaching $500.00 and he/she seems to hate your guts.

Contributions from other Iguana Keepers:

How to spend around $2000 on computer hardware and software, and countless hours of research and programming, just so you can put a bunch of cameras on your iguana, and put him up on the Internet 24/7 so everyone can monitor his every move. This also makes you "less guilty" when you have to leave town for whatever reason, as you can "check in," and see how your iguana is doing. (The iguana, by the way, is totally unfazed by all the excitement.) (Gerry and Cookie)

How to convince your iguana to let you have part of his his room for your storage. (Tiff and Gumba)

How to pack away all your fragile antique glassware and cover your antique buffet with green grass carpet and mount a UVB tube and fixture on it. (Tammy and the Zoo)